Sunday, December 25, 2011
Friday, December 23, 2011
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Monday, December 19, 2011
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Monday, December 12, 2011
Sunday, December 11, 2011
By Candice Moraga
How could I dare to offer you up one word that I’ve writ?
When every line you’ve written is engorged with all this wit?
If you were here, I’d hide my prose –
You wouldn’t read one line
I’d cringe to think of comparison to yours –
I’d have to tie you down and force you,
Just to hear my scribblings long
I’d probably have to torture you,
To make you hear one song
Least I know my secrets are safe,
Hidden within these pages
You’ll not be distressed by my inner tumult,
The storm that, within me, rages
I’m content to bask in your glow,
Watching the gears of your mind crank and spin
It’s thrilling that you let me wander
Through the labyrinth lying within
Forgetting my troubles, what I had to say,
It’s nice not to focus on me
You’re a vacation
An exotic locale
An isle in a distant sea
Lifeline By Candice Moraga
Music is my life, my spirit, my soul…
It is my salvation
God gave it to me for inspiration
When I’m drowning, he throws it out to me as a life preserver
I wrap it around myself as a protective blanket
It lifts me up like gossamer wings
Suddenly, I remember who it is that I am
My insides shine through
This is the part of me that is enchantress
Re-emergence of my ambition
My inner strength
Yeah - I guess it’s in there after all!
All that hiding
I guess I was just healing
I know I’ll always be OK
I know I seem fragile and frail
But it’s my emotions and feeling,
That makes me so strong
I am stronger than you know
And I will still be standing when all the dust settles
Having lived a turbulent,
Fulfilling and complete life.
The Breath of God
By Candice Moraga
The vibrations on the air are the breath of God
Speaking to man’s soul
Music is the language of God
We musicians are as close to God as a person can be
We hear her voice
We read his lips
We give birth to the children of God
Sing his praise
That’s what musicians are
And if we’re not that –
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Plucked From The Vine by Candice Moraga
What kind of god could make even the wild tigress lay at his feet and fawn over him?
Toying with mere humans for your own pleasure and amusement –
a flawed god, indeed.
Embracing and embodying the flawed inconsistencies of humanity,
You throw those under your influence into a spin.
The muses gather round you,
singing and playing their flutes.
Writing poetry and prose,
they toy with the consciousness of men,
Ripping their heads off after blowing their minds to pieces,
Only to revel in wild abandonment at your feet.
I am drunk with you, intoxicated…
“Estoy a tus pies.”
You care not for me, but only of your own amusement.
One cannot hope to be idolized by one’s own idol.
And so it is with this in mind that I offer up sacrifice of my flesh to you,
And offer up praises in song and prose.
You will treat me brutally,
but I will return to the temple once again.
I will kneel at your altar and ask you for more.
You send me into wild abandon,
dancing in frenzied, sensual gyrations…
Lusting evermore for you, my lover,
to fill me with sweet surrender.
Take from me my toils, tribulations, travails…
Take from me my pain and plight –
I will offer up orgiastic,
orgasmic bliss and pleasure…
Dance with me into the sublime and I will envelop you with my song –
I sway in your embrace…
Celibate to man, I have been promised as the bride,
Faithful only to the one I worship tonight.
But you are not faithful to me,
And I will feel the pain of your absence,
Agonizing in the wake of your departure.
I know this,
and still I give myself to you unheedingly,
Reveling in my hedonistic pleasure.
Our love affair is a cruel one.
I might end up having to leave you for another god.
But not before I pluck you from the vine
drink down your sweet essence one last time,
Licking my lips lasciviously,
And I find that lust and joy are one in the same.
Half Of A Whole
by Candice Moraga
Wonderin’, should I let you in?
Smile coaxing me, so genuine
Things I’m thinking, such a sin
Least I can say that you’re a friend
What depth I see in hazel eyes
Their sparkliness can hypnotize
Can’t believe I didn’t realize
And now I’m doomed to fantasize
Shouldn’t let my mind just run away
I’ve been so serious – I should just play
He doesn’t feel this anyway
Besides – just what the hell would I say?
Couldn’t possibly articulate
The way to him I radiate
And it could never be my fate
To have such a perfect mate
He’s got his own shit to figure out
Still needs to learn what he’s about
Finding his own path, his own route
Filled with hope, filled with doubt
Never felt hands like that before
But I never let anyone through my door
Sensitive on untouched skin
I can’t believe I let him in
Won’t tell my crush to another soul
I’ll just remain half of a whole
by Candice Moraga
Nestled sweetly under the sheets
Warm and moist where our skin meets
Thinking about last night’s embrace
Staring at his slumbering face
His funny lip shape, sublimely divine
I get drunk off those lips like Sangria wine
I sigh and heave as I reminisce
One more time, of last night’s kiss
Thoughts of forever, then a doubting mind
We break it off, then try to rewind
Wondering what the future will bring
Haven’t I yet learned anything?
What the hell am I doing?
Have I gone insane?
What the hell’s going on, inside my brain?
He’s probably going to pierce my heart –
Something I’ve known right from the start
Still, I didn’t hesitate
My heart was captured, and now it’s too late
How long before he takes me for granted?
How long before I’ve raved and I’ve ranted?
Is he a wolf in sheep’s clothing – or the reverse?
Will my heart end up carried off in a hearse?
But I must enjoy danger, for I dive right in –
Savor the flavor –
Nightlight by Candice Moraga
Who is there – in the night?
Who is there – when I have a fright?
I cling tightly to my teddy bear
Whenever my dreams lead to a scare
My arm reaches out – I grasp only cold air
I wonder again – Just who is there?
Against my pillow – attempted cuddle
Under layers of blankets, I shiver and huddle
No one to thaw out my frostbitten toes
When I’m lonely at night- whoever knows?
To fill the void, I munch on a snack
Snuggle an imaginary lover’s back
My tummy hurts; I’ve eaten too much
Poor substitute for a gentle touch
Ghosts and scars of yesterday past
Linger, fester, hauntingly last
Trying to keep the demons at bay
I’ve got to express in a positive way
I’ve run, I’ve hidden, blacked out, and ducked
This is no time to self–destruct
I’ve hardened my heart, black as coal
But self–immolation is not my goal
Pick up the pieces, soul twisted and bent
I pray for forgiveness, I humbly repent
For the first time in months, I miss the daylight
Which normally I disdain, and view as too bright
When To Use Mace by Candice Moraga
I could’ve saved us so much time, had I used that can of mace
Luckily, I’ll be long gone, before sunrise, without a trace
I must’ve been in a trance
Crazy to actually take a chance
Knowing a horizontal dance
Could never lead to sweet romance
They call it “Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places”
“Looking for Love in Friendly Faces”
I call it being a fool
Now I’ve mopped up that drool
And I’m out the door
Lest you become a bore
Still, my heart is sore
It wanted so much more
But I’ve lost my faith in human affection
Settling for fleeting, transient attention
Where the hell is my White Knight?
Where the hell is Mr. Right?
I think it’s all bullshit lies
I’ve gambled on love – numerous tries
I’ve hurt enough – I’ve paid my due
No – nobody could possibly get through
My impenetrable fortress, constructed yet again
For locked away, is where my heart’s been
Your Gravity… Quicksand by Candice Moraga
You make me sick - Your view of the world is sick
Your whole life is a war - You make it so
And so you have dragged me into your shell-struck world
Just like your father dragged you into his
Can’t you see? It never ends
Your son – in jail for being violent… can you see it?
He doesn’t see it’s NOT OK
How can you think it’s OK for a grown man to hit a small child?
What do you think it does to a small child when you tell them
“I wish I had flushed you down the toilet the day you were born!”
Did you really think that was OK?
How are you supposed to grow whole when you think you’re shit?
When you hit someone you take a piece of their soul
I don’t want to be a part of your twisted world –
A sea filled with sharks –
“Kill or be killed”
I don’t want to live in your father’s world
I’m afraid of my children living in my world, your world…
Because they’ll be born with my scars
I’m not sure how I’m supposed to heal
I’m not sure of how I let go
It’s part of my identity too now
What do you dream of when you sleep?
Do you ever have nightmares?
I know you do because you’ve given them to me
For every time you’ve hit me, I’ve hit myself twice
I’ll rip myself apart for you
So you can stop now
Every time you tell me I’m worthless –
I’ll replay it hundreds of times…
You don’t have to do any more
I wish I could escape myself
I think I need to get a lobotomy
Otherwise I’ll never be rid of your sickness
When your body lies in the grave, I’ll carry it on
You say the world is what you make of it –
I couldn’t agree more
Your gravity pulls me down
A Clown’s Painted Smile by Candice Moraga
Every time that I was hit
Every time I was forced to submit
Each time I felt like shit
It was all I could do to endure it
A little piece inside of me cried
A little piece inside of me died
More hurt and rage I am forced to hide
More blackness and darkness festers inside
I cannot seem to make it right
I cannot seem to turn towards the light
Peace hovers just out of my sight
And nightmares haunt me in the night
Will this shit hold me down for all my life?
Will it cause me endless and ceaseless strife?
Will no one deem me a suitable wife?
Will I never feel safe, though I carry a knife?
Won’t someone see the good in me?
Won’t someone love me, and set my heart free?
Won’t someone make me squeal with glee?
And won’t someone kiss this damn bruise on my knee?
It’s killing me – all the pain I conceal
I want to forgive – I want to heal
People don’t like when I show the real deal –
Makes them uncomfortable when I reveal
I can’t even write on the back on that page
The ink shows through, hard pressed from the rage
I thought that I would feel better with age
I’d be somehow older and wiser – a sage
The mask I’d adopted to hide my pain
Has, of my existence, become the bane
All sweetness external – a Candi cane
Inside the turmoil, the storm clouds, the rain
But people don’t want to be brought down
They prefer a forced smile over a frown
And this is a cold and heartless town
Where they jam-pack the bars – In their beers, they drown
Once again, I am forced to play the clown
Friday, December 9, 2011
In Nightmares It Swells by Candice Moraga
Monsters at night- the monsters are real
Wish I could sleep, but in dreams I still feel
Try to pretend, paint on a happy face
But inside it’s still dark, deep in a secret place
Can I fool all the others? Yes, it’s so easy
They don’t want to know me, ‘cause they’re all so sleazy
They want inside, but not inside of my mind
Why is understanding so fucking hard to find?
Deep inside, a rage fucking dwells
It comes and it goes – in nightmares it swells
I feel like punching, and lashing out
I feel like screaming – I want to shout
The best I can do without looking insane
Is to sing it all out – the pain in my brain
Fucked up as it is – Fucked as it may be
I wish I could hurt him, the way he hurt me
But he’s so fucked up already, I couldn’t make him any worse
He’ll have his own issues, ‘til he rolls off in a hearse
What was done to him, he did to me
And so we’re bonded together – abused camaraderie
What does he want from me – sympathy?
Strangely enough – he gets pity from me
How the hell can I ever make this right?
How can I chase the demons in the night?
I’m so sick of being sweet little Candi
When I want to bite, to scratch, to flee
Internal chaos – anarchy
Hurt, fear, misery
When I wake in the morning, I spackle my face
You can’t see inside me –you won’t see a trace
You’ll make your own judgment – see what you wanna see
But you won’t see inside – No, not the real me
“Oh – she’s a party girl,” a “faery,” a “witch”
“a scared little girl,” “the devil,” “a bitch”
“Innocent” “bad girl” “good girl” “unstable”
When really I don’t need another label
I live life in costume - The world is a stage
You can’t guess my life, like you can’t guess my age
Trapped in my castle, my solitude
With sprinklings of glitter, to lighten my mood
Company usually a waste of my time
They don’t want to know me, and won’t hear my rhyme
Thank God that I still have the choice
To sing it all out – can they hear my voice?
Lack of Loneliness by Candice Moraga
Being paid to perform at night
Makes one shun the activity in light
Knowing the teeth with which crowds use to but
Makes diving into one give you a fright
Performing onstage, separated from the rest
-Not scary to me! – Being immersed is the test
Doling out positive energy’s easy
Compared with deflecting intentions of sleazy,
Or even just hollowed-out, self-absorbed shells
Of people who don’t swim in spiritual wells
Of consciousness and good intentions
After being with whom you need interventions
From the rare few whose words are kind
To restore yourself to a peaceful mind
Interruptions to my flow
From someone who I do not know
I take a breath and prepare to resist
-Absorb only good! – on this I insist
Avoiding those who are careless and mean
I map out the minefields of the scene
Who only causes me anguish and pain?
From whose little world do I wish to refrain?
Too long mindlessly positive
But now – too long have I had to live
To not know sharks await me there
To plun ge right in without a care
I ask myself – do I dare?
I’ll end up stitching this worn heart’s tear